FARMER FINDS ALIEN EATING CROPS!
Yesterday, at around 9 A.M., farmer Billy Bob Jackson discovered an alien eating his crops. "I had noticed someone was eatin' my crops! And now I've found the little critter!", stated the farmer. The government scientists came not an hour later when Billy Bob had called the police. They came and retrieved the alien. About 100 yards away they found the alien's ship. "They're technology is far more advanced than ours, 10 years at least. But, the spaceship is in critical condition, it will be very hard to recover any information from it. We took the alien and it's ship to Washington D.C. where all of the country's top scientists gathered together. After many hours of tests and studying, we found only little information on the alien. The little information that we could find was that the alien had a very complex body, hundreds of organs, and  no blood but a thick gooey fluid in its body. We could have found out more but Billy Bob Jackson had shot it with his 12 gauge shotgun when he discovered it. On the alien's spaceship, we found more than we expected, a small device that seems like a tracking device of some sort, a gun like object that gathers up energy and fires a blast that almost blew a hole the size of a car in our building, and a map in the vehicle's computer system. It seems that the alien's home planet is 56 billion light years away." stated the scientist.

"What kind of crap is this? What moron scientist decided he can go and give an interview to a reporter? Everyone will be going crazy!", exclaimed President Iness. "Well sir, we're already questioning everyone aware of the crash. And we got a hold of the reporter and she won't give us a name. And China's ambassador wants to know what's going on immediately.", said President Iness' assistant. The President's phone rang loudly. He picked it up quickly. "Hello? What!? I'll tell my assistant to to get the car ready.", he said pointing to the door. Walking out of his office he told his secretary to  tell everyone he has a special matter to attend to.

As he arrived at the planetarium, there were a dozen cars parked outside. When he walked in he was bombarded with scientists' questions and statements. "M-M--Mr. President!! We predict that the fleet of alien ships will be here no less than 36 hours!! You must prepare an army and try to bomb it out of the sky!! You must try a preemptive strike and prevent any chaos that may happen!!", exclaimed the scientist. "Ok, ok, just hold on. How many ships are we talking here?", asked President Iness. "Well, uh, at least 50,000.", stated the scientist. "Johnson, call the Smith, tell him we've got a code red, section 24-18, 75,000." commanded President Iness. "Yes sir!!" replied Johnson. "Let take a look on the telescope." President Iness said. "Why, yes of course, right over here Mr. President.", replied one of the scientists. "What in the name of... they're coming right at us!! Johnson get me on the phone with the general, hand me the phone when you get him, we're going to launch as soon as possible!", exclaimed the President. "Here he is Mr. President", Johnson said as he handed the phone to the President. "Smith, you have my approval to launch 30 missiles into orbit aimed into the direction of Mars. Do it now, here is the authorization code: 5629081-hdgbeitndsj-7298264986." he commanded "Yes sir, I will enter the code as of now" said Smith as he punched the code in. "Everyone here, go home and be with your families, we don't know if this will work or not- Johnson, where are you going, we still have lots of work to do." President Iness said. 7 hours being in his office he got a call from Smith. "Sir, the missiles 2 minutes away and counting, 2 minutes... 1:37... 1:04... 0:43... 0:26... 5... 0:01... IMPACT!!!" A blazing white flash covered the sky. "Sir, we did it!! The ships are-- Sir, the ships are still on course, I repeat the ships are still on course!!", yelled Smith. "The ships are coming faster! Oh my-- the are using some magnetic pull and are bringing a meteor twice the size of Texas!! They are turning back!! We have 4 hours tops!", Smith yelled even louder. The President dropped the phone he didn't move for 4 hours. He waited and waited, until the meteor hit... there was a sound of thunder...

"Ben wake up, come on Ben you have to wake up you have a meeting with your staff today" Mrs. Iness, the First Lady said to her husband. "Wh- wh- what day is it?" asked Mr. Iness. "It's February 25th of course..